Why, Part 2

#31daysofbiking Mileage Counter: 383.1

I don't want to get this lost in the shuffle, so before I go off on a tangent, let me say thanks to the gracious folks over at Grubhouse for hosting my friends and I tonite:

Some guy forgot to grab a pic of the restaurant

I was at a meetup tonite hosted by a Facebook group(s) that I'm in. Many good eats, beers, stories and laughs were exchanged, and I learned a lot (we're always learning, though, right?).

I don't want to be ego-centric, but this is my blog, so...deal with it. I noticed that several times tonite, I was referred to as "Mr. Bike Guy," or something to that effect, and it struck me. Obviously, they see what I post on here just about every day, and they know that I ride. A lot. It struck me enough that I had to take a mind-cleansing ride after I left the restaurant, as I am wont to do.

Why it struck me is, I don't perceive myself as "Mr. Bike Guy." Riding is just something that I do, and I write about my experiences. It's really not my whole life, and to be honest with you, I don't even know that much about bikes. Well, I know I can do enough basic maintenance to get me by, but I'm by no means an expert. Biking and writing are a couple things I do, and it got me thinking that...

Often, we don't see more of a personality than what the person wants us to see. Even a self-described extrovert like myself only shows you what I want you to see. Even on this blog, or my other blog, or my personal journal, I only show what I want you to see. In the case of the journal, I still don't bare it all, but it gets a little more deeper than my online presence. Some secrets are going to the grave.

I bring this up because I've been seeing this a lot more the deeper my friendships get. Some whose bonds weren't as strong have faded away entirely. Others have gotten stronger through this realization that there's something much deeper going on than what we see every day. And sadly, I've realized recently that a lot of my friends are struggling, myself included. Not the "end of the world" type of struggle like starvation or poverty, but struggling to make peace in our own lives, with our very selves.

And with that, I have to admit why I decided to do this challenge again in the first place: because I'm depressed, and this was the only way I could think to make me feel less depressed right now. To ride and write in an attempt at getting closer to peace within my own mind, an attempt to answer a question I don't even know, and an attempt to make something inspirational to others out of my own despair.

I see this type of thing happening more than you might believe, and it's sad because I want to help everyone, but I don't know how. This is one way, I think. The other is to try to support them in what they do, and I do try, because I see others trying and struggling the same as me.

Maybe you're lucky, and you're not struggling. Appreciate it. Don't take this feeling for granted. If you're like me, know that I'm with you. I have very little figured out, but I've found at least one thing that makes me feel good, so I figure that's a good place to start to find peace, right?

I ride because it's fun. I ride to see what I can see and hopefully take some really cool pictures. I ride because it clears my mind, if only for a minute or two. I ride because it feels good to sweat. I ride because I want to ride past to see if that cute waitress is working tonite so I can stop in to ask her why she hasn't called me yet. I ride because my bike never says no. I ride because I have something to prove to myself and because I want to prove everyone wrong. I ride because it's one of the few things that keeps me sane in a world of chaos. I mean, why else would I ride 7 miles after dinner with no destination in mind?

And so I'll ride on, just 9 more days in August. I promise more fluffy stuff tomorrow, perhaps quite literally. Until tomorrow, be strong and love everyone.

Sincerely,

"Mr. Bike Guy"